Baby Blues...

Ahh Sistah's Im back. Im still in the middle of a murder trial which started on the 4th April 2005. The case keeps going and going. I see no immediate end in sight. probably another month to go. It's been difficult for me to find the time to blog but I miss it terribly. Im also going through some baby blues because you see this trial is in a court very far from where I live and so my son who goes to school on another side of the island cant stay with me during the week. He stays with my aunts who are really like my mommies since they raised me. They love him to death and shower him with all the right stuff while I go out and defend this "so-called murderer". Is that freaky? Sistah's you know its difficult to be away from your child. You know they need you so badly. Some of us choose this career path and we end up not having much time to spend with our families. Is that the right thing I ask myself over and over. The thing is whilst the answer always seems so simple to others... i.e of course you need to spend more time with your family... The answer never seems easy for me. The thing is Im so filled with things I need to accomplish that Im always on the go. That is not to say that I do not spend quality time with my son, teaching him the stuff that I am learning everyday, the lifeskills and morals to become successful in life. And loving him and listening to him.
I am passionate about his wellbeing in every aspect and I really work at letting him know how much I love him. He also knows however that Mommy is a person with dreams and goals and in order to achieve them effort and commitment are necessary. Somehow the way I look at it... I try to teach my son how to be a success by setting an example of what it takes to be so. This is the first time that he is away from me for a whole week at a time during school time. Do the other sistah's think that this is selfish? I'd really like to know...

Loneliest when you're happiest....

Sistahs its been a while since my last post. Been pretty busy with work work work, you know how it is. However finally something occurred to me today which I think is worthy of interest. Firstly some background on me. Im a divorced single mother of a twelve year old marvellous young man (actually he'll be thirteen in 2 days). Been in and out of relationships for the last few years never having much opportunity to be by myself. Too make a long story short I finally realised that in order for me to be in the kind of relationship that I wanted to be in, I needed to fall in love with the right person first.... ME. So I consciously made the decision to be by myself, not jumping into any relationships right now... just enjoying getting to know myself and quite frankly Ive been loving it. Ive been doing this for a few months and I never have felt lonely.... horny maybe.... but never lonely....at least up until today. You see today something really great happened to me - I felt accomplishment on a particular level in my career and all of a sudden I realised that I was alone. Many friends called to congratulate me but there was no special someone in my corner, rooting for me and appreciating me and I felt it... Loneliness.... I was so tempted to pick up the phone and repeat one of my old patterns with one of my old boyfriends, but I didnt. Somehow I found the strength to bask by myself. It wasnt easy... well it isnt easy and it makes me realise that you really miss that special man in your life when you have a really happy moment to share.... at least that is what has been true for me.... loneliest when I'm happiest.... isnt that a catch twenty two??!!

Am I an exhibitionist?

I dont know why I like these online journals, diaries, blogs. Im just so into it these days. Why would any normal person want her thoughts and experiences recorded for the whole world to see if they wanted to. Its stange yet strangely cathartic to me. I feel its like a dose of honesty not only with myself but with all others. I believe if we are completely unafraid to hide who we are then we are truly content with ourselves. Or maybe Im just exhibitionistic!

Should we settle..?

So we're thirty something. Some SISTAH's feeling the clock ticking. There's a really nice guy, good values, with a good job who seems to adore every aspect of you. He brings the flowers on valentine's, is always home waiting for your phone call and willing to take you shopping, lime with your firends and go to the "girlie" movies. Just one problem .... He doesn't ring your bells!!! A roll in the sack is amazing once you fantasize about Denzel or Wesley! What do we do SISTAHs?? Well I could tell you in my twenties this was a no brainer - kick the guy to the curb! Somehow these days, without my even noticing it, my standards seem to be creeping downward. Maybe we could try tantric sex.... its all in the mind :). Why is it that as we get older our standards seem to get lower. For me, though I flirt with the idea of settling I know that I wont. Its just not in my make up. I know that there is a wonderful man out there who will have my bells chiming all the way to the church - (just haven't met any lately) but Im holding out for one. Am I being immature, naive? What do you think SISTAHs?

Welcome xxlyn

My dear xxlyn, wonderful that you have joined as a contributor because I do hope that we can help to change your opinion here (Readers can check out xxlyn's comments to the post below). I challenge you to a debate on this issue - Many men are 'crapholes' yes but we women allow them to continue to be because we put up with it when they're our man and we encourage it when they aren't!! Come on women are worth more than this - more than being an outside roll in the hay (the horner) or a neglected wife (the horned). Its not just about leaving the man, if there will always be women out there making it easy for men to be useless, sons of b's - My thing is not about excusing men its about calling Sistahs to a higher standard for themselves!

Married man drama ...

You know what? Im just tired tired of the boys parading out there pretending to be grown men. Ive created this blog so that we sistahs can vent, learn, love and in the end exhale. Im not about drama.. but sometimes drama is necessary. We cant sit back and allow ourselves to be treated like doormats. Why do we do it sistahs? Why? Are men soo necessary to our existence that we're prepared to share. When the married man starts to sweet talk us - what do we think? Do you feel special and sweet? Cant we see that its our sistah on the other end of the man's behind who is hurting. When we sistahs start to stick together, to think of each other first then no man will be able to hurt any one of us. Isnt that a great concept. Lets think of the sistahs! When I started writing this post I just let my fingers type - didnt know what I was about to say- I just knew that I wanted to connect with other sistahs out there who find that love doesn't really come that easy and even when it comes its no bed of roses. Am I the only one out there who thinks so? But can't we start a movement of enlightenment among ourselves where we join together and love each other and help each other have meaningful relationships. If each of us takes responsibility for our actions then thats one less woman out there to create drama for another sistah. Maybe we could find someway to identify with one another. Some way to start identifying true "sistahs". We need to recruit new "sistahs" every day. Hey hit me with a comment if you feel you have some ideas as to how to start this revolution.