Loneliest when you're happiest....

Sistahs its been a while since my last post. Been pretty busy with work work work, you know how it is. However finally something occurred to me today which I think is worthy of interest. Firstly some background on me. Im a divorced single mother of a twelve year old marvellous young man (actually he'll be thirteen in 2 days). Been in and out of relationships for the last few years never having much opportunity to be by myself. Too make a long story short I finally realised that in order for me to be in the kind of relationship that I wanted to be in, I needed to fall in love with the right person first.... ME. So I consciously made the decision to be by myself, not jumping into any relationships right now... just enjoying getting to know myself and quite frankly Ive been loving it. Ive been doing this for a few months and I never have felt lonely.... horny maybe.... but never lonely....at least up until today. You see today something really great happened to me - I felt accomplishment on a particular level in my career and all of a sudden I realised that I was alone. Many friends called to congratulate me but there was no special someone in my corner, rooting for me and appreciating me and I felt it... Loneliness.... I was so tempted to pick up the phone and repeat one of my old patterns with one of my old boyfriends, but I didnt. Somehow I found the strength to bask by myself. It wasnt easy... well it isnt easy and it makes me realise that you really miss that special man in your life when you have a really happy moment to share.... at least that is what has been true for me.... loneliest when I'm happiest.... isnt that a catch twenty two??!!

Am I an exhibitionist?

I dont know why I like these online journals, diaries, blogs. Im just so into it these days. Why would any normal person want her thoughts and experiences recorded for the whole world to see if they wanted to. Its stange yet strangely cathartic to me. I feel its like a dose of honesty not only with myself but with all others. I believe if we are completely unafraid to hide who we are then we are truly content with ourselves. Or maybe Im just exhibitionistic!